Kind of disappointed...

You know what sucks? Knowing someone is somewhat busy and still feeling like they are taking absolutely no time to talk to you.

Know what sucks worse? Having that someone be your boyfriend.

I honestly feel like he's freezing me out. Because he apparently can't take a minute to send a text telling me what he's doing, or that he is busy, or he's going to sleep or whatever. I mean really? I take time out of my day to tell you what I'm up to, I kind of wish you would do the same. It honestly kind of hurts.

I get pissed or rather, annoyed, at my roommates when they leave randomly and don't say where they're going or when they're going to be back. I really just wish my own boyfriend would have the decency to tell me what he's up to during the day. Because I do know that it is possible to send a quick text telling someone that you're busy but that you're thinking about them and will talk to them later. 

It's even worse when he's so oblivious that he can't even see that I'm hurt or upset. I'm like seriously? You really are that blind huh? I make it obvious and nothing. 

I've been hurt too many times in my past and I can literally feel my wall slowly going right back up.

I miss him and I care about him, I really do, but I'm not going to let my heart rest on my sleeve just to have it torn off and into pieces again.

I want to see him, spend the day with him, just hanging out and talking and just being with each other, but I doubt that will happen any time soon, at least not before New Years....

Pissed off at myself.

So....I guess I really haven't been in a relationship in a long time, because I clearly do not know what I am doing. :( I'm doing what I told myself I was never going to do, and that is be clingy. I'm doing exactly that and I hate that. I feel horrible for acting the way that I am because it isn't fair to him. Especially when I know that he's busy.
I clearly don't know how to act in a relationship that seems to have a future and I really hope he can be patient with me. Because I know that this relationship, as long as I don't manage to screw it up, has a possibility to go far <3 :)

Who knows what this feeling is :)

I've known him for only a couple of weeks but I'm falling. Oh boy, I'm falling hard. Yeah, everyone will say, you don't know him well enough to be in love with him, and maybe I don't but what right does everyone else have to determine how someone feels about someone else?
I have been watching One Tree Hill lately, and Nathan and Haley got married when they were still in high school and at their reception, Haley's father said:

"For those of you that say they're too young, let me just say-- hell, you can drive at 16, go to war at 18, drink at 21, and retire at 65. So, how old do you have to be before your love is real?"

Yes, I realize that we don't know each other that well. I'm not naive. It's not like I'm going to be going off and getting married in a week or something. All I know is that I really care about him & I really feel that we could have a future.

I've never been one of those girls who thinks about marriage and weddings and having kids, but now I'm one of those girls who thinks about marriage, still not one that thinks about having kids because I really don't plan on it. And for me, a guy has to be extremely special to have me thinking about marriage.

"It's got to be that can't-eat, can't-sleep, reach-for-the-stars, over-the fence, World Series kind of stuff."-It Takes Two.

Yeah, well, I'm getting the can't sleep part of it.
And yes, I do know it's the blissful honeymoon stage, so I know it will take a while before we know anything for real, but I really feel like this could be it :) <3

Thinkin' things.

I was thinking last night and realized, I didn't really have any good friends in high school except for 2 people. It was a little depressing. I mean, yeah I was friends with people, but the majority of them are out of my life now (even if I never wanted them to leave) or I barely talk to them anymore.

Now, however, I have quite a few people in my life, including some good friends, some acquaintances and my boyfriend but friends nonetheless. And yet, I still feel like I'm completely alone.

I'm hoping that I can get a better grip on reality soon. Since I am only going to have classes on Tuesdays & Thursdays next semester, I'm going to try to get a job. So hopefully things will get better for me. And I know, as soon as anyone that knows me reads this, they'll try to find out how to make things better and unfortunately, all I'll be able to say is that it's something I have to do myself.

Sadly, I'm starting to miss some people that aren't in my life anymore, since I never wanted them to leave in the first place. :/

All well, this was pretty much a pointless entry.

Happy :)

They say you should be a role model to those younger than you, that you should set a good example by the way you live your life and the choices that you make. In my honest opinion, I feel like I am setting a good example for those younger than me, I'm doing the best I can do. I just don't think that the ones I'm trying to set an example for are paying much attention. But that shouldn't bother me right?

Unfortunately, it kind of does. I'm the oldest one in my apartment, and I feel like everything I do goes unnoticed by those who should learn from me and no, I'm not sitting here trying to be conceited or anything like that.

Sometimes I have people coming to me for help and advice, but I don't really think that they listen to me when I talk because they do pretty much the opposite. I know I've made a lot of mistakes in my past, hell, even the past 4 years, I've made horrible mistakes, most of which are only known by 1 person (and of course, those I made the mistakes with). But I'm learning. I'm studying more, focusing on school, having less of a social life (which I know might not be a good thing), and not letting my current love life distract me too much :)

I'm being so much smarter than I have been in years! And it honestly feels amazing.

I'm taking things slow with my boyfriend and loving how respectful he is of me and the fact that I am in college. I definitely feel like he could be the one :) I'm really looking forward to seeing what the future holds for the 2 of us, and am definitely taking the fact that New Years Eve/Day is our 1 month (not really sure which day he considers us being officially together) as a sign that things are going to be good :) all my friends that are around love him so far :)

Life is really treating me well :)

So long for now fellow bloggers :)

Well, finally.

Have you ever gotten that feeling that someone is the right one for you after only meeting once, or if you haven't, do know anyone that has?

Well, now you do :)
I've known him for less than 2 weeks and I already feel extremely comfortable around him, like I've known him for a while already. I get scared to death talking about the future and I've already made him promise not to just yet, but I truly feel happier that I've ever felt before. I truly could see myself falling for him & can definitely see a future with him. Which is just another thing I've never ever felt about with any other guy in my life.

It's truly amazing, this feeling. I feel so comfortable with him, it's almost like 2 of the main characters in one of the book series I'm reading, how the girl is just starting at college & he's this guy that is trying to tell her to leave (for her safety might I add) and as soon as they talk & hang out, they're totally in love (Okay, so this isn't AS drastic as that but still). 

I definitely know that I'm just going to take things day by day and see how things go, without totally over-analyzing anything, and just be :)

Today's rant.

Getting so sick and tired of ignorance in this damn apartment. I really wish I was more outgoing, maybe then I'd be able to handle this shit without feeling like everything I say will just get turned around and put on me. 2 of my roommates constantly ignore me or leave me out and my other roommate has a boyfriend so I can't even hang out with her without feeling like I'm the third wheel. It's seriously pissing me off because I can't go anywhere and since I'm not as involved in CAB anymore, I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.

They have no respect for anyone, I honestly don't even think that they have any respect for their selves. Why does common sense have to be so rare these days? Seriously. I start getting ignored simply because I expected my roommates to have enough common sense and decency to send me a text telling me where they were. They get mad because had no clue they didn't have their phones on them. Sometimes, I wish I could just punch something.

I can't wait until my friends are around, I really need their friendship back around me... Not having it all the time, like in high school, really sucks. I miss them all..

2012-2013 school year.

Well, how can I even begin to describe how this semester is going so far? I get along with my roommates for once (of course when considering the fact that I chose 2 of them, it would suck if I didn't get along with them, huh?). 2 of them get a little immature sometimes, and no, I'm not meaning immature as in what boring people call fun people, I'm meaning, just entering high school immature.

This is the first time that I have ever been the oldest in a group of people, and I don't really know how to handle it. Whether I should set some ground rules, or start holding apartment meetings or what. But something has to change and I really wish that I knew how to change it. Because otherwise we'll lose a roommate and I really don't want that to happen. Things are great until 1 small thing happens and then it seems like everybody is close to becoming a loose cannon. I'm sure I could probably talk to an RA or someone in authority to find out how to handle things better because otherwise, this living arrangement will blow up into a million pieces by the end of just this semester.
I just don't know how to handle it when someone completely refuses to (1) take advice, (2) see the bigger picture or (3) learn that the entire world doesn't revolve around them.

Sometimes, growing up learning to think before speaking or not saying anything at all if I can't say anything nice really comes back to bite me in the butt because I can't say the things I want to without potentially hurting someones' feelings, which I absolutely hate doing. It kind of sucks having a conscience. I honestly don't think I would have made it if I was the oldest child among my siblings, being the youngest of my siblings definitely has its' advantage. But being the oldest of my roommates...SUCKS!!!

On the completely other hand, the educational side of this semester is going pretty good :)

Summer '12

Ever feel like you just really want one of those relationships that is like the honeymoon phase? All bliss-ed out on each other and able to be nothing but yourself around them? I do.
I wish I had a relationship that worked. All I've ever had were shitty guys who didn't give a shit or who used me to cheat on their girlfriends. I want romance, I want a relationship like the stupid romantic comedies where the girl gets the guy she wants and he wants her too.
I haven't been thinking about relationships or guys lately, which is a good thing. But when ex's start finding their way into my dreams, it makes it hard. I want to meet a new guy, maybe through a friend from school, but a new guy nonetheless.
Yeah, so I want quite a bit and I'm not going to list it all. I just wish I could have a summer romance.....that lasts past the summer.....

Things So Far

It seems like I have people coming and going in my life like it's a popular fast food place. They just come and go as they please and don't even think to ask me if I'm okay with it. I have people in my life now that I am thankful for but I also have people, who were there for me all through high school, who act like they never cared at all, which if they didn't, then they are pretty good actors.

I know I shouldn't just sit back and act like I'm okay with everything, but I'm not one that is good at talking through my feelings. I never have been.

My two best friends are gone, off to the navy and I don't really have anyone else who really knows me and knows what I've been through.

Perfect Timing

New semester started a few weeks ago and I'm already behind on things. It's going to be a hectic semester but at the same time of being confused & busy, I'm really looking forward to it all. Especially my Astronomy class, I've only had 2 classes and I'm already in love with it, it's absolutely amazing. I am just praying that I don't fall too behind by taking 16 hours AND being in C.A.B. I don't want to end up not being a part of it, but I know that if I get too far behind, then I will have to.
But at least I can say that I'm focused on school because I don't have a guy in my life, and I really think it's the best decision I could have ever made for myself.
I can't wait for the summer either because I might be going to spend it with my dad and I'm really looking forward to that too :D


Time to get back to reality and get back to homework.

Bye :) <3