I don't know what it it's but there is something keeping me awake. Something feels wrong or off just not right.
I'm extremely tired but my mind is going a mile a minute and I can't pinpoint any one thought.
I'm trying so hard to get my head & heart to let go of my past but I can't. I need to keep control over them. I don't want to get hurt again so I have to protect my heart. But nobody sees it that way. I get seen as the person who just doesn't trust, when in reality I trust a lot but I still have a small wall around my heart full of doubt because that's all I've ever known.
But the moment I start asking questions about things so that I can try to start slowly letting that wall down, I get turned into the bad guy....
None of my friends know what I've gone through, so no one knows why I'm like this. It's getting hard to explain and I end up saying things I shouldn't say at time because I haven't really thought things through.
It feels like something is being kept from me, but I don't have any idea why.
He says he's an open book, but he really isn't. Wanna see an open book, look at me. I have nothing to hide, want to look through my phone? Go ahead. Go through my texts, my apps, my Facebook messages, my pictures. Go through anything you want, I have nothing to hide. But, god forbid, I just touch your phone and you go berserk on me. So tell me again, who's the open book here?
He has no idea just how much I care and how much I love him. He doesn't get that just being near him makes me happy.
But when he flips out on me just for touching his phone, it makes me think he's lying to me.
Normally blogging helps me clear my mind but it just isn't working tonight.
Why does something not feel right? What is going on.
