Sigh

So last night, my best friend told me that my boyfriend can't just read my blog and that he actually has to hear me say the things that have happened to me in the past.

But why can't he read it? Why does he have to hear it from me when I can't say out loud any of what is already written here in my blog.

The reason I began my blog is because I wanted to be able to get the thoughts out of my head so that I didn't have to keep recalling things every time I had to tell anyone about my past. It hurt too much for me to try to talk about my past, that's why I started this blog.

But now I'm faced with the dilemma that is the fact that my boyfriend won't read my blog because he doesn't want to know what hurt me in the past.

And now I'm faced with the problem of me going out of state for a week and feeling like I'm going to lose him even though I have 2 people telling me that I should stop worrying. All my insecurities are coming up and I hate it, but I don't know how to tell my boyfriend that without him feeling bad.

I guess I'll just have to see what happens huh?

Overbearing, cautious or just in love?

I know sometimes I get clingy or moody or jealous. But what's a girl to do when her relationships never last past 6-7 months?
Tyler and I have been doing good and we've been together almost 7 months, so a part of me is extremely scared.
I know this part is going to be a huge hurdle for me to get over. I'm scared I'm not going to be enough for him. That he'll get bored with having me as his girlfriend and will leave just like that. He doesn't know I'm scared about  going out of state for a week, and I'm honestly kind of scared to tell him.
I'm scared he might not be here when I get back... or that he'll do something and won't tell me.
The truth is, I'm just scared. Scared of getting hurt, getting my heart broken again, scared that I might actually have a real relationship finally.

But how do I go about telling him? Should I even bother or should I just keep it to myself?  Why is this so complicated for me.

Up late thinking

Here it is 1 am and I'm still up, my mind going miles an hour just thinking about life right now.
It's been 6 months since I met Tyler and about 5 and a half since I fell for him. I don't know what it was, but something about that last kiss goodnight the first time I met him did something to the both of us.
I was extremely hesitant about a new relationship at first, given my history I would have been surprised if I wasn't hesitant.
I didn't know the boy standing in front of me, and at the time, I didn't want to know him. But he was persistent & I decided to go for it.

I'm glad I did.

Like any relationship, we've had our fights, thankfully we've been able to work through them.

Who knows where this is going, but I know I'm ready for the ride :)

I love you