Left behind

I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I am at that point where I just feel like I'm getting left behind.
I still in school (for now) and I still can't drive therefore I have no job therefore I have no money. But nobody notices just how much this is affecting me and my mood, and how it all is really depressing me.

Nobody has ever taken the time to help me learn to drive well enough to try getting license. And it makes me feel extremely pathetic. But how can I tell anyone that? They all just say that I should've learned in high school, well maybe I would've had my family not fallen apart at the time I normally would've been doing drivers ed...

I'm about to graduate college with nothing to show for myself. No experience, no internships, no money, tons of debt, nothing. But it seems like nobody cares enough to notice the depression sinking in.

I just feel so alone and pathetic.

The Final Stretch.

So it is less than 2 months away from graduation. Jamie and I are officially in the final stretch of being undergrads and the butterflies are strong. So many things are going to change after college and I feel like that is all I can focus on. I have a bad case of senior-itis because I haven't wanted to do any of my homework or go to class or even focus on class when I am actually sitting in class.
Classes, especially capstone, are about to start getting extremely hectic and I really just hope I am able to get enough sleep to get through it all. Lately the roommate has been a complete inconsiderate, loud ass slob who's been giving me rude ass wake-up calls -_- either by talking extremely loud at all hours of the night, coming in late with loud ass friends, or blasting her music or netflix when she knows that I'm sleeping. It's extremely rude & I haven't got a clue as to how to get her to chill out. I get that she's a freshman and all but she needs to realize that I am a senior and need the peace & quiet so that I don't stress myself out. I've done extremely good this semester not getting all stressed out, and strangely, I've been doing really good grade wise :) I'm sure mid-term grades are going to be getting posted soon so hopefully they will motivate me even more in this final stretch.
But in all serious-ness, life after college is stressing me out the most. Tyler wants to have his own apartment by the time I graduate so that I can just move in with him after, and it is nerve-racking.

I really need to get my mind in the zone and start really getting down to business and focus because if I don't, I will screw this semester up and I do not want to have to tell everyone that I fucked up and won't be graduating. How depressing would that be? After everyone has already pretty much made their reservations for hotels and planned their trip down here to see me walk that stage. I mean, even Tyler is excited and ecstatic to see me walk that stage, he pretty much mentions it anytime the topic comes up. Talk about pressure huh?

It really is surreal knowing that I'll soon be graduating and will be taking the next step in my relationship (which is going strong at about 1 year and 4 months now). I just hope the other shoe doesn't drop and something gets all fucked up, needless to say, that's how my life typically goes.

Goodnight.

Just a disappointment

I'm tired of feeling like I'm constantly doing something wrong. It never fails that people make me seem like the bad guy. I do something and the reaction I'll get makes me go "yet another thing I can't do right"
I just feel like a failure. I never get anything that says "hey, it's okay" or anything

I just always feel like a disappointment.

And I don't know what to do.

Final semester

So it's nearing the start of my final semester at college. I'm trying my hardest to just stay relaxed and not seemed scared shitless as I'm working on my graduation announcements or looking up prices for my books this semester. It seems to be working since no one is pulling me aside and telling me that I'm strong and can do this.
Tyler and I have been talking about what we'll do after I graduate and I don't think he realizes that it's scaring the hell out of me to think about where I'll be 6 months from now.

I'm scared I won't be able to find a job & will be struggling and struggling even more than I am already doing. I mean, I can't wait to be out on my own, living with Tyler and being an "adult". But still...I'm right to be as scared as I am....right?