Keep feeling like I have nobody to lean on anymore. I mean yeah, I have Claire and Zabby, but they also have their boyfriends to focus on and not worry about me, and of course, I have my boyfriend but even still, I always feel totally alone. I guess I feel like I regret the way I've lived life since I graduated high school. Everyone says they're there for me, will do anything for me, and will let me vent to them; but I constantly feel like I'm being judged by whatever I say or reveal or by whatever I believe in. I've always felt like I was being judged, all my life.
Just once, I wish I could not be the shoulder to lean on, or the "motherly" figure since I'm the oldest in the apartment.
I'm currently getting the feeling that I'm being judged by his family because I'm not Christian. I know he says that he doesn't care but at the same time, I can see him looking at me differently since he realized that I don't know if I'll be able to change for him. Sure I believe in God and whatnot, but at the same time, I can tell that that isn't good enough for him or his family. I see it in his eyes & hear it in his voice that he wishes I would change. And honestly, it hurts, there's nothing he can do because he's doing all he can but even still, it all hurts.
All my life, I've felt like I was never good enough, and I mean never. Now, ever since his grandparents brought to light the fact that they don't like that I'm not Christian at all, things have changed. Now, more than ever, I feel like I'm never going to be good enough no matter what he says.
