Will I learn?

Coming to the realization that you simply care too much hurts. It's hard to tell who doesn't and doesn't deserve my love. But I care about each and every person who comes into my life no matter what. I guess you could say it's because of how I was raised but I really don't think it is.

I think the reason I care so much is because I never had anyone who truly cared about me when I was growing up. I didn't know what friendship or compassion or love was and now that someone gives me the slightest hint of attention, I don't want to let them go because I'm afraid of being alone. Not necessarily by myself because being alone sometimes is a good thing but I'm afraid that one day I'm going to wake up to no one missing me or wanting to see me or just talk to me.

I'm constantly afraid of not being good enough.

Lately

So lately, things have been affecting me a lot more than they should. I don't know when l started letting things do that but I wish I knew. Its affecting me and the way that I live my life lately.

Im in a relationship and for the first time ever, I have no clue what this guy's feelings are for me. He isn't as open as the guys I've dated before. Its so confusing and it makes me not know what I'm doing these days.

He may be a guy who has a stable job and has money, but that is not the reason I'm with him. But sometimes I feel like he thinks that it is, no matter how much I  tell him different. I don't know what to do anymore. But I can't tell him any of this because I really care about him, one would say I'm probably falling for him. But I know he isn't and I've come so close to accidentally saying those three words that I know will ruin this relationship.

I don't know what to do and I'm scared to lose him :(

Finding myself again

So I'm trying to find myself again after thinking I had already done that. Turns out, I was completely wrong. I got broken a few months ago, completely shattered and pretty much had to put the pieces back together just to get through day to day things that I had to do.
This girl has gotten way too good at faking happiness and smiles and pretending that everything is okay. I mean, sure I love the people that are in my life because I know they really care about me but some of them dont show it very well. It's hard to not always believe that the people in your life truly care about you.

It's going to take a while but I know I will be put back together sometime sooner or later.