Worried & scared

I'm surrounded by the following people:
¤ those worrying about people who do or don't like them
¤ those worrying about what their body looks like
¤ those who worry about finding the right person
¤ those worrying about finding a job
¤ those complaining about the job they have
¤ those stressing about family problems
and
¤ those simply trying to pass their classes

While I am also trying to pass my classes & also fit into a few other categories I listed, the biggest thing I'm worried about is how exactly I'm going to manage to pay for the classes I'm trying to pass.
I wasn't smart & didn't save up throughout the years, I didn't have parents who started a college fund before I was born. I'm also not working my way through college.

I admit that in some people's eyes, I may have an easy life, but if they look beyond the things I show openly, they'll see I don't. I can't work through college because despite all my efforts, I can't get a job on campus. And since I do not have a driver's license, I therefore cannot drive to a place off campus if I were to get a job elsewhere. Sure I could take the bus, but in this city, just how safe is that option really?

I have an amazing support system of family and friends by my side but just how much can I truly ask them to help? I know it's important to ask for help when you need it but I've never liked doing it, I still don't like it.

I try my hardest to be completely independent but it's completely impossible given my circumstances.

Nobody took the time to instill in me the importance of saving up for college. Nobody took the time to teach me to drive nearly 6 years ago when most teenagers learn to drive. There I was in the most influential period of my life, and I was alone. Completely alone. Sure I had friends at school but I never really fit in with them & they never took the time to understand what was going on in my life.

There I was, a 15 year old girl, completely shattered by her world falling apart around her.
And now I face the consequences of not being prepared for college.
I'm going to graduate next year & I'm not even prepared for the "real world".

So what am I to do?

Not a great friend

I know that I may not be the best person and that I may go off the grid for a while. For the longest time I had to rely on nobody but myself and I got used to not having anyone to talk to or vent to or hang out with mostly because I just didn't have anything to talk about.

I got used to the silence and the loneliness and now it's hard for me to actually hold a conversation anymore. People come to me when they need to vent or need advice but nobody ever comes to me wanting to hang out anymore.

My life revolves around school & as much as I don't want to say it, it revolves around Tyler. I don't have anyone else physically around me for my life to revolve around anything else. I've lost friends & clearly I've survived, it may not be healthy for me but things happen.

I don't talk much anymore, I just don't. I don't know why but I don't. I love the silence & hate small talk. I don't like going down memory lane all the time & unfortunately that's what people in my life tend to do. I can probably go days without holding an actual conversation because I just don't have anything to say anymore.

I just don't want to be considered a bad friend because I don't talk to you much. I  hope you know you can come to me if you ever need anything. 

I know you are dealing with a lot of crap & I know you probably really need me around but I can't be. You've gotta learn to stand on your own 2 feet after everything. I managed to do that.