hmm. time to vent

So, I posted a long blog yesterday about how my year has been so far, I doubt anyone read it except maybe one person.

Well, it seems like things aren't going good with Justin. We have been arguing for the past couple days and I don't know what to do about it. I feel like he is blowing me off or doesn't want to be with me or talk to me even though I know he's busy.

I don't really have any friends to talk to about him either because none of my friends are easy to get a hold of these days. So I'm pretty much alone. Maybe not completely alone, but I don't have anyone to hug when I need one, I don't have anyone to hang out with to talk about things in person. I'm alone. I know I have people in my life, but I really am alone physically.

I've grown up learning to put on a fake smile and hide my feelings and just keep to myself, and now, I don't want to. I want to be able to be with people and be able to speak my mind, but I can't because I haven't been able to find the right words to say.

People get mad when all I say is 'I don't care' or 'I don't know' but I really don't know.
It's hard for me to find the right words these days because my mind is so confused right now.

And then last night me and Justin were on the phone and he was reading out loud what was on my profile, and I felt like I was like put on the spot or going through an interview or something. I couldn't find the word to use when he asked me why I was all quiet.

I don't know what do say or how to act, because I really like him I just don't want this feeling anymore. I wish we could be together in person, but we can't. I don't want to force us together, but he's the one that asked me out, and now I'm feeling this way...what am I supposed to do??

I'm trying to stay focused on school and still have friends, it is just real hard to please everybody when I'm not even able to please myself.


 ~night wisher~